Sweeter Than Revenge Is Plotting
by Merenwen 'Aldalas' Silverleaf
Summary: Aragorn is measured for a coffin. Humor!


_Title: Sweeter Than Revenge Is Plotting_

_Summary: Aragorn is being measured for a coffin. Humor!_

_Timeframe: Aragorn is about 17_

_Disclaimer: Still not mine. ((sigh))_

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"We're measuring you for a coffin."

Aragorn opened his eyes and took in the merry faces of his father and best friend. "And why would you be doing this?"

"You have not moved from that position in hours," Elrond said in false dramatics. "You must have died. We have come to prepare you for a proper burial."

The Elf Lord held up a long strip of measuring tape, probably stolen from one of Rivendell's seamstresses.

"And apparently my father has no problem speaking to dead corpses, either." Aragorn said in amusement.

"Keep your eyes shut," Legolas shook his pen at his young friend. He was, from the looks of it, going to keep track of the measurements. "You're supposed to be dead."

Aragorn did as he was told. He had been lying on the floor of the Great Hall for the better part of the day, enjoying the silence, and as evening fell, the music and the song. There were a great number of the elves here, and a small number had taken interest in his plight.

Elrond first measured his head, rattling of the result to Legolas, who wrote it down carefully. "I never realized what a large head you have, my son." Elrond mumbled to himself, just loud enough for Aragorn to hear.

"Must mean yours is even larger, you being my distant kin." Aragorn earned himself a smack upside the head for that one, and a gentle sound of laughter emitted from them both.

"Now the shoulders…"

After a moment's consideration of the situation, Aragorn figured they were pretending to measure him for a coffin and really use the measurements for something else. His birthday was coming up, and within the next year he would be joining the Dunedain in the Wilds. Parhaps a leather jacket like he had requested. The thought made him smile.

"29 and one half inches. Why is your left arm a full inch shorter than your right?"

Aragorn heard the scratching of a pen. "We will now remember that you are lopsided." Legolas noted as he wrote the number down. This earned the laughter of the listening elves, who had now gathered around the trio.

Aragorn opened his eyes, much to the dismay of the two elves tormenting him, and studied either arm. He noted his left shoulder was higher than his right and let it relax. His arm lengthened a bit. "Here," he said lightly. "Measure it again."

Elrond let the measuring line fall against the length of his son's arm. "Thirty inches. Better, but you're still a half inch off."

Aragorn shrugged and laughed with the elves around him.

"You're supposed to be dead. Stop laughing and shut your eyes!"

Aragorn tried, but his entire torso drummed with the suppressed laughter, forcing Elrond to reprimand him further.

"I can't measure you from your neck to your belt if you continue to shake so. Be still!"

"I am trying, stop making me laugh!"

Aragorn managed a peek at his father. The Elf Lord hardly ever took to theatrics or jokes, but he was surely in the mood for it now. His entire face was lit as he attempted to calm his son into submission. It was so rare to see his father take part in this kind of pleasure. Aragorn decided to enjoy it.

"All right, all right, I stopped! Look!"

"Good! Keep it that way." Aragorn felt the light measuring tape fall down the length of his torso, and the result spoken.

"Just the legs left. Legolas, I will need your help with these."

Aragorn felt his right leg lifted up about a foot into the air and opened his eyes to see what they were doing.

Elrond glared. "Estel! It seems that you cannot handle remaining dead as you should."

Glancing through the crowd that had gathered around them, Elrond walked up to one of the younger elves and gently requested the large stuffed dragon she was holding. She gave it to him with a smile, enjoying what was happening just as much as her parents, who stood behind her. Elrond came back to his son's side and unceremoniously dumped the soft toy on his son's face.

"Stay dead!" He spoke in admonition when the dragon was in place over Aragorn's eyes.

Aragorn grunted at him.

His right leg again left the ground, and Elrond noted the length of foot to hip before almost immediately going after the left.

"Wait!" Legolas said, picking up his paper and pen. "Let me write that down."

He scribbled the total down and helped Elrond raise Aragorn's left leg to the same height as the right had been.

But this time, instead of feeling the light touch of the measuring tape, Aragorn heard a gasp of surprised laughter from the crowd around him and a sudden rush of cold water down his leg.

He jumped up with a yell, flinging the stuffed dragon into the air and nearly kicking his father in the face in his sudden fright.

The elves around him, every single one, erupted into howls of laughter.

Aragorn immediately realized that the whole thing had been a prank on him. The back of his leg was soaked clean through. He twisted around, trying to see. He looked as though he had soiled himself, and badly so.

He turned dancing grey eyes on his father and friend. "Ada! Legolas!"

They were both nearly falling over each other in their barely released joy. They had planned this from the beginning!

"I suppose this is payback for the cake incident?" Aragorn let a twitch of a smile get the best of him.

"And well planned, too!" Legolas retorted. "Though I must say, this was far better than that."

"I agree!" Elrond managed to stand and clapped his son on the shoulder.

"Yes, I must agree, this is such an attractive sight!" Aragorn twisted around and struck a bit of a pose, earning for himself a fresh wave of laughter. "I'm going to go change."

Aragorn stalked away from the group, still a bit sore at being deceived when a call followed him down the hall.

"Hurry Estel! Elladan and Elrohir fell asleep in their chairs. If you run we'll let you help!"

Aragorn stopped, turned his head, and then a rather wicked grin spread over his face. Maybe it wasn't such a bad prank after all...

The End

_A/N: If anyone is wondering about the cake incident, you can read all about it in "Ada's Special Green Cake"._

_Thank you for reading! R&R's are always welcome!_


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